so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
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