Duck Duck Cougar?
is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
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