you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
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