respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
Randomize
