It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
Randomize
