dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
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