Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
Randomize
