dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
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