did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
Randomize
