How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
Randomize
