After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
Randomize