what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
I just googled if crying burns calories
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
Randomize
