After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
Randomize
