Where is the hickey?
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
Randomize
