did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
i want to swaddle you in tequila
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
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