i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Randomize
