If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
how do you play pong handcuffed?
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
Randomize
