I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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