Say something about gay babies.
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
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