I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
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