I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
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