so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
Randomize
