need another drink. this is the easiest way
We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
Randomize
