He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
Randomize
