I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
Randomize
