I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
Randomize
