Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
Randomize
