allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
Randomize
