Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
Randomize
