I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
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