this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
Randomize
