You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
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