He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
Randomize
