so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
Randomize
