Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
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