my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
People in love make me want to vomit
I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
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