My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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