i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
Randomize
