Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
Why dose there have to be another girl there for you to do this?
its hotter. Way hotter.
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
I am full of burrito and curiosity
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
Randomize
