he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
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