Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
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