HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
Randomize
