How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
