he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
Randomize
