Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
Randomize
