the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Randomize
