i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
Randomize
