It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
I look excited, but its just a facade.
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
Randomize
