I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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