WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
He literally asked permission to hit on me
Randomize
