I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
Randomize
