I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Randomize
