bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
Randomize
