Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
Pappa wants mamma naked
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Randomize