yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
