Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
Zip lining have a big frozedn drink with 151 rum chippendale pic life is GREAT
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
Why can't burritos get me drunk
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
Randomize
