soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
Randomize
