my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
Randomize
