I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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