I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
Crop dusting thru forever 21
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