I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
Randomize
