Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
Randomize
