she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
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