how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Randomize
